I think it is fitting for my first real post to be about friendships because my friendships are one of the most pivotal parts of my black woman experience. Girlfriends are everything! I have always had a friend group since grade school. Even when I was a teenager and didn’t quite fit in anywhere and wasn’t quite sure of who I was, I still managed to find a small tribe of black women that poured into me. A couple I am still friends with to this day. As I went off to college, I befriended a couple of black women that were pivotal to me starting to become more comfortable in my own skin. But did I know how to be a real friend or even what that meant? Absolutely not. It wasn’t until law school that I truly learned what being a friend really meant. Maybe it was because I was older. Maybe it was because law school kicks your ass, takes your soul, and leaves you crying in a corner. All I know is that you meet some people in your life that change the way you look at things and this was one of those moments. In a setting like law school, especially at a PWI, you are drawn to people who look like you, who you can let your hair down (or take your wig off) around, and who allows you to be yourself. My tribe was Tracea, Marsha, and Shay. The weeknights that we would have wine Wednesdays and talk about school, life, men, Insecure (I still haven’t seen it by the way), were nights that I didn’t realize would change me forever. These black women taught me how to truly be a friend. A good friend. We laughed together, we cried together, we talked about our fears, our successes, and our dreams. We were there for each other. We supported each other. We learned from each other and we grew together. And although our journeys were different, they overlapped in many ways. Those nights in Marsha’s apartment were nights where we learned that we were not alone. That we were connected and we bonded. A bond that has lasted to this day. Black women need friendships like this. My hope is that, as black women, we all find our Tracea, Marsha and Shay. That we create friendships that time, space and distance cannot break and we learn how to be true friends to other black women. Now, because of what I learned from these black women, as I continue my human experience, I am able to be present in all of my friendships in a real way. Thank you Queens!
Now that I am in the space of being a fully grown black woman, the next challenge for me (and actually for any woman) is finding friendships as an adult. Being that I have a career that takes me from state to state every 2-3 years, meeting women that match my energy mentally and emotionally and can pass a vibe check (as the young kids say) is a feat. Fortunately, I have been able to beat that challenge and find a tribe in the places I have lived. How? Thankfully, I have a personality that some would say is extroverted. Perhaps. However, I am selective on who I give my time and energy to and it was an unpleasant surprise to me that women can be just as, if not more, toxic and energy sucking as men. (And I’m not even dating you sis?!?!) I have been fortunate enough to find like minded women on Bumble BFF and have made friends through friends. I also recently joined the Boston chapter of the Black Girls Social Club (total plug) where I have met more women that I can learn, grow and have fun with. Thank you ladies!
All of this to say finding friendships, especially real, meaningful, fulfilling friendships with other black women is, in ways, harder than finding a man. And let’s not talk about making an exit from friendships that no longer serve you. That’s a story for another post. Until next time…
In solidarity
